Wow, the months have really gotten away from me! I have written a couple of times, but they either weren't suited to post or I didn't have a chance to post for a while and then what I wrote seemed too stale-the moment had passed. Interesting that my last posted blog talked about me getting into graduate school... Correlation, perhaps?! I have recently started a new job, finished my second 8 week course, and completed a 2 week European adventure! Two out of the three have not met expectations, which has led me to reflect quite a bit about expectations.
Funny how being on"holiday" - especially when traveling alone - can cause you to do some serious soul-searching. And as I approach my 40th birthday, I'm thinking a lot more about what is most important and what I want most out of life. I certainly have not figured it all out, but I do think I made some progress!
This I know: Some people are blessed with God-given talents to be professional athletes or singers/musicians/actors/teachers/nurses, etc. and are able to make a living doing what they feel they are meant to do - and they could not imagine doing anything else. They have not had to question it because it is part of the fabric of their being. Others I think are able to get there by trial and error, ultimately finding that sweet spot. And then there are those of us who feel we know what we want to do, but for one reason or another, life takes us in different directions. There are also those people who just do their job... They punch a clock (whether literally or figuratively) and though they might not be terribly happy, they keep on keeping on perhaps out of fear that they won't be successful doing something else or because they have become comfortable or complacent. Life has taken me in different directions than I ever expected and I do believe it is all for a purpose, but what is that purpose exactly?
This I think: Hard work pays off. And when that hard work is also a labor of love, it is a true blessing. Some might think I will never be content in a job, but this is absolutely not so. I have had tremendous contentment in each job I have held (of course, not at all times!). I always work very hard and I thrive in an environment where expectations are clear, the work is rewarding, where I can make a difference, my work is appreciated, and where I am also able to take time off to disconnect and re-charge. Situations in which I am set up to fail are difficult and cause me to reflect about whether that environment is right for me. My quality of life is important to me, so if most of these conditions aren't there, it is time to re-evaluate. Are these things too much to ask for? Am I expecting too much?
This I hope: That my life will ultimately be about so much more than work. The fact that it has appeared concentrated that way is because I *could* put as much time and energy into work as I have. I do want to have a family and I ultimately hope for a purpose greater than myself... As people who know me have noticed, I have also made it a priority to: volunteer, to challenge myself personally (grad school) and physically (1/2 marathons, etc.), to travel whenever possible... This is not a substitute for having a family or someone significant in my life, but the way I am choosing to fulfill my life as it is. I expected that my life would be different than it is as I approach a milestone birthday, but should we really expect our lives to be a certain way? People have said that you get the life you make for yourself and I believe this to be true - in part. I believe some people are truly lucky... Some people make bad choices... And some are going the course, taking opportunities that come their way and figuring it out as they go.
Ultimately: I want to make the right choices for ME and I have to trust my gut... Even if my gut was wrong the last time I did. We have to live with ourselves every day and we owe it to ourselves to do what we feel is right and not what others think is right. I still don't know what my "ultimate" path is in my personal or professional life. Perhaps there isn't an "end prize" or an absolute destination... It truly could be ALL about the journey and I owe it to myself to enjoy it all every step of the way!! And I EXPECT that I will.
Post-note: It turns out the Oprah magazine for August is about intuition and expectations. The article on pg. 112 entitled "The Voice Within," completely reaffirmed what I wrote here!! Great quote from it: "Your intuition is the wisest adviser you'll ever have." So true -- Listen to it!!
